Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maine (207)

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  (207): View more from Maine

  I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...

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  (207): I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor... http://tfl.nu/nzpk
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  I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.

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  (207): I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night. http://tfl.nu/1vni
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  Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.

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  (207): Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked. http://tfl.nu/4t3j
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  So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right

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  (207): So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right http://tfl.nu/bi9y
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  I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.

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  (207): I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron. http://tfl.nu/90fl
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  Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!

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  (207): Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck! http://tfl.nu/r6pa
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  I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.

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  (207): I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom. http://tfl.nu/g4e2
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  Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow

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  (207): Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow http://tfl.nu/s6a2
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  HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.

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  (207): HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health. http://tfl.nu/zxtp
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  Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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  (207): Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills. http://tfl.nu/z8zj
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  Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.

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  (207): Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me. http://tfl.nu/5y8e
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  Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?

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  (207): Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park? http://tfl.nu/iybx
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  This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.

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  (207): This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand. http://tfl.nu/o8tl
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  cocks speak louder than words, as they say

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  Nobody says that.

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  (207): cocks speak louder than words, as they say (914): Nobody says that. http://tfl.nu/ymrk
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  I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success

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  (207): I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success http://tfl.nu/d8wt
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