Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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  remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.

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  (202): remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER. http://tfl.nu/2j9f
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  Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

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  (202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way? http://tfl.nu/rhdn
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  i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady

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  (202): i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady http://tfl.nu/uziv
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  he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!

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  (202): he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night! http://tfl.nu/w1it
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  the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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  (202): the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning http://tfl.nu/vrio
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  I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

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  (202): I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha http://tfl.nu/h2dn
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  if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think

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  (202): if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think http://tfl.nu/ufei
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  I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.

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  (202): I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar. http://tfl.nu/npd2
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  dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay

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  (202): dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay http://tfl.nu/5gp7
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  therell be strippers and coke right?

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  no strippers. just coke.

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  i hate this fuckin recession

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  (202): therell be strippers and coke right? (703): no strippers. just coke. (202): i hate this fuckin recession http://tfl.nu/1tv9
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  He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

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  (202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5
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  Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.

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  (202): Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around. http://tfl.nu/2wok
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  Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask

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  (202): Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask http://tfl.nu/68m0
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  Did you just throw up mid-sentence?

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  (202): Did you just throw up mid-sentence? http://tfl.nu/vo8s
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  I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.

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  (202): I want to give you a handjob with my mouth. http://tfl.nu/s0yv
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