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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
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