Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alabama (256)

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  A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

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  (256): A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality http://tfl.nu/65cw
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  There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??

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  (256): There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night?? http://tfl.nu/8e78
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  He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me

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  (256): He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me http://tfl.nu/nz3h
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  Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.

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  (256): Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee. http://tfl.nu/nrww
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  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

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  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
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  he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.

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  (256): he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/xdnw
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  'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option

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  (256): 'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option http://tfl.nu/mpq0
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  The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.

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  (256): The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing. http://tfl.nu/qyj9
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  I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.

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  (256): I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting. http://tfl.nu/bt6j
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  There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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  (256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2
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  One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.

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  (256): One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project. http://tfl.nu/03dc
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  I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip

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  (256): I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip http://tfl.nu/ulnl
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  As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.

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  (256): As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right. http://tfl.nu/ax5o
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  Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.

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  (256): Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference. http://tfl.nu/q39i
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  There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen

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  (256): There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen http://tfl.nu/2fvb
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