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I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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