Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (573)

Last Night in Missouri (573)

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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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(573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe

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hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?

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pat the guy you slept with

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still need a last name

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(314): hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this? (573): pat the guy you slept with (314): still need a last name http://tfl.nu/e97s

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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

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did it work

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that's not the point...

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(573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb

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just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

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(573): just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist. http://tfl.nu/hmuv

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Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.

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(573): Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life. http://tfl.nu/evuh

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My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

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(573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x

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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch

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Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?

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IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation

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(573): just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch (636): Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving? (573): IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation http://tfl.nu/yr3e

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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

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(573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9

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she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight

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(573): she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight http://tfl.nu/znt4

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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

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(573): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/8e5m

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this study room smells like vodka

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the study room thinks the same about you

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(573): this study room smells like vodka (310): the study room thinks the same about you http://tfl.nu/w62g

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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

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(573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh

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Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.

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(573): Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning. http://tfl.nu/k6zp

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I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.

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(573): I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better. http://tfl.nu/vuqb

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This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed

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(573): This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed http://tfl.nu/eoyh

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Last Night in Missouri (573)

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