Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (816)

Last Night in Missouri (816)

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normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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(816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z

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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...

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Yeeah thank god

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Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.

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(816): So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant... (1-816): Yeeah thank god (816): Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million. http://tfl.nu/pevw

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Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

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(816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00

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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.

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(816): Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower. http://tfl.nu/cq6t

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I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

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(816): I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book. http://tfl.nu/rwum

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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.

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(816): believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward. http://tfl.nu/i2tt

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My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

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(816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe

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dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine

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(816): dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine http://tfl.nu/klxs

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He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

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(816): He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine. http://tfl.nu/bj2r

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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

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(816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej

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dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome

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no its not leave

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(660): dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome (816): no its not leave http://tfl.nu/95g2

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Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!

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(816): Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?! http://tfl.nu/dodw

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we didnt even have break up sex...

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you had it for us with someone else...

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(816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z

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I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.

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(816): I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/e1lf

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I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this

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(816): I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this http://tfl.nu/u2zv

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Last Night in Missouri (816)

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