shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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