I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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