they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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