Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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