and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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