Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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