I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize