I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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