I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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