I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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