he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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