you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize