Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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