3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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