I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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