I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize