Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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