i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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