i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize