I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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