He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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