She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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