I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They should really pass out barf bags in church
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
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