Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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