He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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