fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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