Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize