and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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