You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize