He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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