I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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