I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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