i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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