i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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