i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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