Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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