Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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