"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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