What did we do last night that was yellow?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
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At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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