I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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