Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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