1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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