New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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