im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize