If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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